By A. Hosack, P. Berman & K. Hecht
I don’t know what to make of Craig. He got angry so quickly, that scares me.
Claire was walking slowly back to the house. She was filled with a mixture of happy and distress. If she focused her mind on Craig as he came to sit next to her, showing an interest in being with her, then she felt happy. When she thought about the look in his eyes when she’d asked him about his bank, she felt scared. Once Claire walked into the house, she was met with the news the Davy had exhausted himself and was actually taking a nap!
This is a sign. I have to speak up.
“Mrs. Carson, do you have a moment to talk with me about Craig. (1-minute pause) He was that man I met on the bus.” “Yes, I remember that you’d met someone. Have you been able to learn any more about him?” Mrs. Carson asked. “I guess I have learned more about him. What makes me smile is that he came to sit next to me today and he told me a funny story about his dog named buddy,” Claire said seriously.
“You don’t look like the story was funny, “Mrs. Carson said. “Well that’s the part of the story that makes me uncomfortable. (Claire looks off into the distance, Mrs. Carson sighs and prepares herself to stay calm). After a few moments, Claire looked at Mrs. Carson and said, “most of my conversation with Craig was very pleasant. But there was one moment when I ask him what bank he worked at and he got very angry. I can’t forget that look in his eyes. (1-minute pause) Mr. Carson never looks that angry, even when he is about to punish Davy for doing something seriously wrong.”
“What does it mean to you Claire,” Mrs. Carson said softly. Claire’s hands were trembling, but her voice was clear as she said, “I don’t want to date anyone who gets as angry as Larry did.” “But on the other hand, I barely know Craig, and he had a good explanation for why he got so angry. That’s why I don’t know what to think,” Claire said softly. “Did he hit you Claire or look like he was about to hit you?” Mrs. Carson asked, her worried look leaking out her feelings. “No, he didn’t do anything even close to hitting me which is what makes me feel bad that I’m prejudging him,” Claire said softly, “he apologized to me which is something Larry never did, and I thought that was a good sign.” Mrs. Carson was terribly relieved.
“I do think it’s a good sign that he apologized after being unjust to you. But I also think you shouldn’t ignore it if you’re gut tells you that he might have problems controlling his anger,” Mrs. Carson said. “I keep going back and forth in my head trying to analyze every little moment I had with him but, it’s just too hard. I was really only with them for about 10 minutes,” Claire said.
“You don’t really have to make a decision right away Claire. It’s easier to understand someone’s character if you take things step-by-step and don’t rush into any serious decisions. Have you thought at all about what kind of man you’d want to spend time with you, and you wouldn’t be scared to introduce to Davy?” Mrs. Carson said.
She always knows the right thing to say. I hope someday I can help Davy like she helps me.
“I would like somebody who’s good with children, like Mr. Carson is. I want Davy to meet a lot of good men who can control their tempers and make good decisions. I want him to turn out like Mr. Carson. Someone who is respected by everybody they know,” Claire said softly. “Well, you wouldn’t want to introduce Craig to Davy until you have more evidence that he’s a good man. But, if he should ask you out on a date, you could always express a preference for walking with his dog in the park. Then you could see the relationship he has with the dog. Is the dog affectionate, does he take good care of it? That would give you more information about his character than his just liking his dog,” Mrs. Carson suggested.
“We might pass children in the park and then I could see how he reacted to them to!” Claire said. “That would be just right wouldn’t it,” Mrs. Carson said, “you can often learn a lot about people by watching how they treat others around them. Even if there don’t happen to be children around, how does he react to an old person like me who might stumble near him? Does he show any other sign of caring about the welfare of others,” said Mrs. Carson.
Does this sound like good advice to you?
Have you wondered how to tell what you might need, despite mutual attraction, to have a good relationship?
Dr. Suzanne Degges-White has written an article called 13 First Date Red Flags. She suggested that both Claire and Craig should be listening to their “guts” when they were together to see if they shared a mutual attraction. If interested in learning her signs that you should move away or move toward a potential date go to: