By A. Hosack, P. Berman, & K. Hecht

Claire wakes up from her four-hour nap and feels less tired. Mrs. Carson is rocking Davy to sleep. It will be her turn in a minute. Claire has been dreaming about the three steps Mrs. Carson practiced with her. She had this idea that the family goldfish always looked so calm. She was standing in the living room, staring at the fish.

It looks so calm. Maybe, I can do the “remind yourself to stay calm” if I try to imagine I am this fish?

Mrs. Carson walks up to her and asks what she is doing. Claire tells her she is practicing the “remind yourself to be calm step.” Mrs. Carson smiles at her and gives her a kiss on the cheek. Claire blushes and looks up at her for a moment before looking down. Mrs. Carson goes to her bedroom to sleep.

Claire walks into Davy’s room and decides she will practice deep breathing while he sleeps.  She thinks she is learning a lot of good stuff from www. zerotothree.org that makes her feel better; Davy isn’t bad, he is just a typical crabby premature baby. He is crying a lot because the outside world is just so much harder to deal with than the world he started with in her body. She sighed for a moment. Her body was good for something; it was not a waste of space. Her body had provided just the right temperature for Davy to feel comfortable while he was developing inside her. Now, in the world Davy was having trouble keeping warm because he could not generate much of his own heat. Could Davy be crying sometimes just because he gets cold each time she takes him from under his blanket or away from her body to change his wet diaper?

Claire had asked Mrs. Carson’s advice about how to handle this situation. Mrs. Carson had taken Claire and Davy back to the maternity ward at the hospital to visit the Nurse Karin that Claire was always talking about. Claire tells Nurse Karin what she has learned about premature babies having trouble keeping warm. Nurse Karin showed Claire and Mrs. Carson how to provide Kangaroo Mother Care. This kind of care involves keeping Davy pressed directly against her skin, usually on her chest, for as long as she is able, day and night; she would actually be sharing her body heat with Davy so he wouldn’t feel cold.  Claire and Mrs. Carson both practice this, while getting advice from Nurse Karin.

On the trip home in the car, Claire was so happy and excited. She forgot herself and said out loud,

Maybe Davy doesn’t hate me. He just cries a lot because he is cold.

Mrs. Carson was shocked by Claire’s comment. “Of course, Davy doesn’t hate you Claire. You are his mother. He loves you!” Claire looked at her in surprise. “Are you sure Mrs. Carson?” “Yes dear, Davy loves you just like my kids loved me.”

Claire went into the most pleasant daydream. In it Davy could talk and told her she was his special mommy and he loved her. Nurse Karin was also telling her again how when Davy had been developing inside her, he slowly began to be able to hear her the sounds inside her body; her heartbeat had had become familiar to him before he was even born; now, hearing it could help calm him down.

Her body was not a waste of space. Just the sound of her heart could help calm Davy down!

Claire looked down at Davy, asleep in her arms. Her parents had called her stupid. But, both the Carsons and Nurse Karin thought she was learning great things from the Zero to Three website. Maybe her parents were wrong, and they were right?  Maybe she wasn’t stupid!

Is Claire fooling herself?

Could a website really help someone be a good mom?

To learn more about the practice and benefits of Kangaroo Mother Care for yourself, check out http://www.kangaroomothercare.com

By P. Berman, K. Hecht, & A. Hosack

I am going to figure this mother thing out. I will be a great mom like I promised God. He made Davy love me like I asked; Mrs. Carson said so!

While Davy was napping the next day, Claire went back to http://www.zerotothree to learn more about her Davy; yes, Claire was really feeling like he was “her” son and when she said this to herself, it felt good. She was going to learn everything on this site and then she would be a great mother – not a waste of space.  Her happy thoughts started to fade and then took a complete nosedived as she read about the different types of cries babies made to indicate what they needed. When Davy was crying, it all sounded the same to her- plain awful. Wasn’t it just figuring it out by trying stuff? If Davy was crying, she would check his diaper. If it needed to be changed, she changed it.  If he didn’t need a change, she would try to feed him. Now, this stuff was saying Davy could get scared and get lonely. He had a lonely cry? Claire began feeling stupid again.  When Davy was crying, it all sounded the same to her.

What about me? I feel lonely. I get scared. No one is reading a website to help me! Claire was overwhelmed. Part of her wanted to read more. Part of her wanted to throw the computer through her window.  She ran to the window and put her head against the glass and just wailed in despair.

Mrs. Carson was walking by Claire’s room, heard her despair, and rushed in. She stroked Claire’s hair and gently asked what was wrong. Claire said she was too stupid to learn all the things on the website and would never be a good mother. Mrs. Carson reminded her that she was part of their family now and they would help her with Davy. She looked at the computer screen that Claire had been reading. It was all about different types of baby cries and how to calm down when feeling stressed out by a fussy baby with colic.

“Claire, Davy can stress me out too.” Claire was startled. She immediately stopped crying and looked up at Mrs. Caron in surprise. “Most of the material on your screen is new to me too. Maybe we can figure this de-stress thing out together.  We both could use a break from Davy crying.” Mrs. Carson began to read the steps out loud:

Step 1: “Remind yourself to stay calm.”  Okay, lets close our eyes for a second and tell ourselves to be calm. Mrs. Carson opens her eyes and looks at Claire. Are we calm yet? Claire looks up with tear streaked eyes and shakes her head no.

Step 2: “Next, we take four deep breathes so our chests feel ready to explode”. After her fourth breath, Mrs. Carson looks at Claire and says, “How did that feel?” Claire wasn’t crying any more, but she said she still felt bad.

Step 3: “Okay,” Mrs. Carson said, “the final next step if you still feel stressed out is to ask for help. You find someone you trust and ask them to care for Davy, maybe even for fifteen minutes to get a break.” Claire looked at Mrs. Carson; asking for help was hard. She wanted help but was it safe? Could she trust Mrs. Carson not to take Davy from her if she knew how often she needed help?

When Davy was crying a log, Claire still having thoughts of leaving him in his crib and running away from the Carsons to never come back. What should she do? Claire figured that the safest thing was to pretend she was alright. She told Mrs. Carson that Step 2 had finally kicked in and she felt fine now.

Mrs. Carson left the room feeling puzzled by the parade of feelings that had crossed Claire’s face before she said she was okay. Claire didn’t look relaxed at all to Mrs. Carson; she looked scared. Mrs. Carson wondered how she could help Claire, if Claire wouldn’t tell her what was wrong. She sat on the couch and tried to puzzle things out.  Then, she remembered how it had helped her as a young mother to read the parenting magazine at the doctor’s office. The articles were short and might be easier for Claire to understand than the website she had been looking at.

Davy woke up and began to cry- his diaper was full. Claire changed him quickly and then did the kangaroo thing and held him close to her bare skin; Davy was her son and so one was taking her Davy from her.

Mrs. Carson had heard Davy’s cries and how quickly they stopped. Claire wasn’t doing badly. She just needed more confidence and to realize, no mom could do it alone. During dinner, Mrs. Carson suggested they have family time when the meal was over where they would read a parenting magazine together. The first night, they found a good magazine online at: https://www.parents.com/baby/feeding/30-little-ways-to-bond-with-baby/

 

 

By K. Hecht, A. Hosack, & P. Berman

Its will be so wonderful to have children in the house again. It has been so lonely since our kids have grown up.

Ms. Alexandra had told the Carsons that Claire had been abused and neglected by her family and might have some problems fitting in to their home. They weren’t worried. They had raised both a son and daughter who had grown up to marry and have their own happy homes. They felt they could provide Claire with just the same type of loving care and structure and she would learn how to be a good mother to Davy.  It turned out to be much harder than they thought. They hadn’t realized just how much they had taught their children gradually as they were growing up. Claire didn’t know the first thing about even simple hygiene like frequent bathing and brushing her teeth. They couldn’t assume Claire new anything- for example, left on her own, she had just crammed Davy’s dirty diapers into the trash can in her room without rewrapping them to insure the feces didn’t leak all over the trash can.

Mrs. Carson hadn’t noticed what was happening until the smell had spilled out of Claire’s room and all over the house. She had shown Claire how if the diaper was wrapped back up in a tight ball, and then it should be thrown into the trash can in the bathroom that had a plastic bag in it as a second defense against leaking urine or feces. While Mrs. Carson hadn’t yelled, Claire could tell she had thought it awful that she had thrown the diaper into her bedroom trash. This was so confusing to Claire- her parents hardly ever threw anything directly in the trash.

There were rules at the Carsons about everything. Claire felt the only thing she did right around the house was breathe. Her teeth weren’t cleaned right. She didn’t get all the grease off dishes when she washed them. Now, she didn’t know how to handle trash.

Davy too was much harder to care for then their own babies had been. He was premature and still didn’t weigh as much as their own children had at birth. Both their babies had eaten and slept on a regular schedule. They couldn’t figure Davy out. One day he would take two long naps; one in the morning and one in the afternoon. The next day, he would sleep and wake off and on all day.

While surprised and tired, they were determined to stay the course and help Claire and Davy. It was going to be just harder than they originally thought.  They decided to start with the things they felt most confident about. They had taught Claire their simple strategy for caring for an infant and getting enough sleep to function the next day. Mrs. Carson got up with her the first few nights and showed Claire how to change Davy, feed him and then put him back into bed to fall back asleep. Even after a week, this had not worked. Davy didn’t fall asleep when put back in his crib- he just kept crying. Davy had to be rocked to sleep and then put back in his crib very carefully or he would wake up again and the whole thing had to be repeated.

Mr. Carson found his wife crying softly in their bathroom their third week of being foster parents. Mrs. Carson had gotten up to go to the bathroom at 3 a.m., she had overheard Claire murmuring hateful things about herself and Davy. She had gone into the room, pretending she hadn’t heard anything, and offered to finish rocking Davy to sleep so Claire could lie down. Claire had fallen asleep the moment her head touched the pillow. Even once Davy was asleep, Mrs. Carson had not been able to fall asleep- would Claire really throw Davy into the trash and then drown herself?

Mr. and Mrs. Carson admitted to each other that they were both physically and mentally exhausted. Their children were right, they were too old to take on a new family.  They felt guilty but decided to tell Ms. Alexandra to find another home for Claire and Davy. Claire could tell something was up with the Carsons. They weren’t yelling at her, they never did. But, something was up. It could be anything. They hated everything about her- that was the only reason why they were always harping at her about something. She didn’t brush her teeth right, bathe right, put her clothes in the wash…they had this endless list of what she didn’t do right.

Claire wanted to satisfy them because she liked living in their house. She had never had so much stuff of her own.  They also seemed to be like the kind of parents that God loves. Their kids call all the time and there are pictures of the kids growing up all over the house. Claire desperately wanted to turn into the kind of person who deserved love. Her greatest wish was still to find someone who would love her. Sometimes she hoped Davy loved her but other times she was sure he was too selfish to love anyone. For a while she thought Larry loved her, but she hadn’t heard a thing from him since he found out she had the baby.

When Ms. Alexandra arrives, Claire and Davy are asleep. She listens carefully without interrupting until the Carsons run out of steam. Ms. Alexandra agrees with them that Claire really hasn’t been taught all the things a healthy young woman should know long before she has her own child. She tells them that no child learns everything from their parents. She asks if they really want Claire and Davy to move out today. The Carsons look at each other and sigh. They admit that if it just wasn’t so hard, they would want Claire and Davy to stay.

Hearing their concerns, Ms. Alexandra wants to provide them with as many tools as they can to help Claire and Davy.  She shows them this great website full of resources that are free to them on their home computer at www.zerotothree.com.

They hear Claire singing loving words to Davy and they smile at each other; Claire is singing a nursery rhyme they taught her.  Ms. Alexandra smiles at Claire and tells her she has a beautiful voice. She then calls her over to join them at the computer. Ms. Alexandra leaves them ten minutes later talking to Claire about some of the things they are learning about Davy and his sleep patterns from the website. They came up with a plan where Mr. And Mrs. Carson will take turns caring feeding and caring for Davy for four hours at a time while the other two sleep with ear plugs. Then, someone else will take a four- hour turn. They will try this for a few days to see if everyone feels better rested.

To make the plan work, Davy will have to learn to drink formula when Claire is sleeping. Davy doesn’t like the formula at first; it doesn’t taste as good as Claire’s breast milk which is so sweet and warm. However, when he is hungry, and snuggled just right by Mr. or Mrs. Carson, he will eventually drink it.

Have you ever searched for information about caring for children on the internet?

Explore all the great resources available to parents and caregivers at www.zerotothree.com.

 

 

By P. Berman, K. Hecht, & A. Hosack 

This is a weird place. So much rushing around. Claire can just barely hear someone talking on a phone in the next room. Who are these people? What will they do to her and Davy? 

Claire takes a risk and asks Nancy, “Do you know what Ms. Alexandra is going to do with me and Davy?”

Nancy has been working with Ms. Alexandra for about a month. It has been mostly good, but she has been warned that if her drug testing ever becomes positive, Sara is going into foster care to make sure she isn’t neglected or abused while Nancy is high on drugs. She doesn’t want to scare Claire, but she knows friends should be honest with each other and she is trying to learn how to be a friend. She says, “What I like best about Ms. Alexandra is that when I tell her the truth about what I need, like running out of money for diapers, she always makes sure I get what I need. She is always willing to help me take care of my Sara. But, she is going to put your baby before you because babies are helpless and easy to hurt. If she believes you have done something bad to your baby, she isn’t going to listen to any excuses. She will put your baby in foster care to make sure he is okay and then she will get you help.”

Claire sighed and looked down. She better never let Ms. Alexandra know that sometimes she dreams of abandoning Davy. On the other hand, most of all she wants to keep her promise to God and be a great mom; it sounds like Ms. Alexandra might help her with this like Nurse Karin did. She looks back up at Nancy and says, “Do you ever get frustrated with your Sara?”

That’s all it took. Claire and Nancy talk nonstop about how tough babies are. Claire begins to feel better; maybe Davy is normal, and she is doing okay as his mom?

They hear footsteps in the hall and both immediately stop talking- they look at each other and giggle as Ms. Alexandra enters the room. Ms. Alexandra comes hears the laughter and is relieved; she was afraid Claire would spend her time alone crying. She says she has great news. She has found a new home for Claire and Davy with a Mr. And Mrs. Carson. They are special foster parents who are committed to helping her raise Davy until she becomes a legal adult at 18. Davy wakes up at this moment and begins to cry; Claire does too. Nancy figures Claire is scared to be going to a foster home. She tries to help out by acting like her advocate. “Can you tell Claire about the Carsons? Maybe then she wouldn’t feel so scared.” Ms. Alexandra smiles at Nancy.

Mr. and Mrs. Carson run a small convenience store in the town where they are now. Mr. Carson is 60 years old, and Mrs. Carson is 58. They had 2 children of their own who are now both married. Their son lives about 2 hours away and has 3 small children. Their daughter lives three hours away in the opposite direction. She has 2 small children. The Carsons decided to become foster parents just recently. They did all the required training to be “special foster parents” so they could help families like Claire and Davy. They have their own four- bedroom house with a large backyard with a small apple orchard. Claire can sleep with Davy and use a second bedroom as Davy’s playroom or she can have Davy sleep in his own room if she wants. Claire stops crying and looks up at Ms. Alexandra.

I get to choose? Really?

 

Author DeRay McKesson has literally put his body in harm’s way in support of building a safer society. If all people who wanted a safe society worked together. We could make it happen: #StopViolenceThruKnowledge

 

By A. Hosack, P. Berman, & K. Hecht

We are homeless! I can never go home. What is happening? I am so scared, and Davy just cries!

As the miles go by, Claire begins to calm down. Ms. Alexandra had stopped the car, once they were a mile away from the Caldwell’s home. She had turned to Claire, handing her a box of Kleenex, and told her she had a right to cry. Her parents had not treated her with the love and help she needed as a young mother. Claire could barely hear Ms. Alexandra because she couldn’t stop crying. One of her greatest fears has come true; she was homeless.

Ms. Alexandra wants to soothe Claire’s distress. She asks Claire if she or Davy needs anything? Claire still doesn’t respond so Ms. Alexandra turns her attention back to driving. As Ms. Alexandra turns into the parking lot of her office, Claire has been able to calm down. She also changed Davy’s diaper in the back seat and he too is no longer crying. Ms. Alexandra talks calmly to Claire as she brings them into the building and asks again if there is anything she and her baby needs? Claire doesn’t trust Ms. Alexandra; her dad had taught her that all African-Americans were violent and criminals; they might smile, but this was just a cover for their evil thoughts.

Claire doesn’t think Ms. Alexandra is dangerous but she has never met an African-American before, her dad has and if there is anything he knows a lot about, its violence. Claire figures she is best off saying nothing. This plan is disrupted by her rumbling stomach, which draws an immediate smile out of Ms. Alexandra. When asked if she would like lunch, Claire just nods and follows Ms. Alexandra to a table in the staff lunch room. Ms. Alexandra gets her an orange juice and a turkey sandwich from the refrigerator.

Does this seem like the behavior of a dangerous person?

She notices that Claire almost inhales the food, she eats and drinks it so quickly. Claire begins to wonder why Ms. Alexandra would give her something to eat, if she was planning to harm her? Ms. Alexandra realizes that the day’s events were probably traumatic to Claire. She doesn’t push her to talk, she just makes her a second sandwich and a glass of milk. Claire eats this one quickly too. When she is done, Ms. Alexandra takes her and Davy into a small room with a couch and chairs. She tells her to “sit tight” while she makes a few phone calls. The room is nice and warm and there is a bathroom connected to it. Well-fed for the first time since she left the hospital, Claire can relax enough to feed Davy. He then falls asleep on her shoulder with his head up against her neck. Claire is scared but feels comforted by the feeling of Davy snuggled up against her. How can she care for Davy now that they don’t even have a bed to sleep in?

After about twenty nerve wracking minutes, another mom and baby come into the room. Claire looks down; who is this other mom? The other young mother starts to talk right away, “My name is Nancy, this little sweet heart is my daughter Sara.” Claire looks up at this and glares at the other woman. Claire has found her glare to be her only protection from bullying and harassment at school.

Nancy chuckles and then says, “No need to look at me like I’m a bug you need to squash. I am trying to be friendly. After all, we are two moms with the cutest kids in the world.”  Claire is still staring at Nancy with hostility, but her words are beginning to sink in. Claire looks down at a sleeping Davy and Sara; she smiles.

Nancy says softly, “You must be new here. I find the waiting goes by much faster if we talk. I go for help with being a mother with my daughter. My therapist says talking to someone else is kind of like medicine for stress. Life can be so hard. You feel more stressed all by yourself. Sharing it with someone else makes at least a little bit of the stress fall off your back.”

Nancy looks about her age and has a baby too. Should Claire trust Nancy and asks her all the questions she has about Children and Youth?

Nancy had been learning from her therapist about being her own advocate. This meant she had to ask the questions that were on her mind. People might not answer her questions, but she had a right to ask them whether it was in her personal life, to try and be a friend to someone like Claire, her pediatrician to help her be a good mother, or, she could even ask questions at Children and Youth even though she was afraid they would take Sara from her . . . Nancy took a deep breath and said, “Come on, tell me your name . . . please.”

Is Claire going to be an advocate for herself?

Is it safe to ask questions?

 

 

 

By K. Hecht, A. Hosack, & P. Berman

Oh no she came too early! My parents are going to really give it to me. What am I going to do?

Claire wanted to see the nurse badly. She had so many questions. Why did the nurse have to come at 9 a.m.? This was hours before Claire’s parents usually got up. Claire rushed to open the door hoping her parents hadn’t heard the doorbell.  As the Nurse came in, she looked around at the dirty living room and noticed empty beer bottles everywhere. Claire noticed her grimace; she was sure the nurse was thinking her family was trash; just like everyone at school.

Claire rushed the nurse into her bedroom at the back of the house trying not to make any noise as she closed her bedroom door. Without looking at the nurse, Claire promised her that none of the beer empties were hers. At the hospital, Nurse Karin had explained how important it was that she not drink while she was nursing Davy. The nurse smiled at Claire and told her what a smart decision that was for Davy’s health.

Claire relaxed, maybe everything was going to be okay with this new nurse. Claire told the nurse that Davy was crying more at home than at the hospital even though she was keeping him warm all the time. The nurse checked Davy out carefully explaining to Claire what she was doing. Davy’s belly was very hard. The nurse thought that Davy’s stomach was full of gas and this was a safe, but painful condition. Once Davy had passed enough of this gas, he would probably stop crying so much. The nurse was just showing Claire how to hold Davy to help him get rid of the gas when her father flung open the bedroom door; it slammed against the wall. The loud noise scared Davy and he began to cry.

Mr. Caldwell grabbed Davy, shoved him at Claire, and ordered the nurse out of his house. Claire was terrified, her worst nightmare might be about to happen. Would her mother throw Davy in the trash? Should she try and hide with Davy in the woods while her parents were distracted by the nurse?

Gail was waiting in the hall. She walked the nurse to the door, telling her to never come back. Once the nurse was outside, she slammed and locked the door. The last thing the nurse had heard, before the door slammed, was Bill’s angry voice telling Claire she should have known better than to let that stranger into their house.

The visiting nurse sat in her car outside the Caldwell house feeling very worried about Claire and Davy. Bill Caldwell had been so quick to tell her to leave he hadn’t given her the chance to explain who she was and why she was there. The look of the living room, Claire’s evident fear of her parents, how Mr. Caldwell had roughly shoved Davy at Claire, were all warning signs of abuse. The nurse worried that even as she sat in the car, Claire, Davy, or both, might be in danger. She called Children and Youth Services and made a report of suspected child abuse. Ms. Alexandra, the caseworker on call, is concerned by the report of a young mother and newborn at immediate risk; she promises to leave immediately.

It takes Ms. Alexandra about thirty minutes to reach the Caldwell home because it is out in a rural area. Her job is to try and assess if Claire and Davy are immediately safe and can be left at home to receive nursing services or if they need to be given an emergency placement somewhere else.  Fortunately for Claire and Davy, both of her parents had gone back to sleep, promising to teach her and the brat a lesson when they woke up.

When Alexandra rings the bell, Claire jumps. Her parents are going to be woken up a second time and she and Davy are in real trouble. Should she open the door? She doesn’t think she can hide outside with Davy, it is too cold for him.

Mr. Caldwell runs to the door, ready to beat the crap out of the nurse if she has come back. When he sees Ms. Alexandra, and she asks to come in, he tells her she is waking his family up and to go the hell away whoever she is. Ms. Alexandra puts her foot in the door and warns him that she is from Child Protective Services and if he doesn’t let her see Claire right now, she will be calling the police.

The word police rings unpleasantly for Mr. Caldwell. He hesitates for a moment as he thinks about his record for drunk driving and a fight he got into at a local bar. He lets Ms. Alexandra in. After hearing a few of Ms. Alexandra’s questions about Claire and Davy, Mrs. Caldwell screams at her to take the bitch and her bastard and get the hell out of her house. Mr. Caldwell is dragging Claire who is struggling to hold Davy and shoves her and Ms. Alexandra out the front door. Meanwhile, Mrs. Caldwell is shoving all of Claire and Davy’s meager possessions out the bedroom window.

Claire and Davy are both crying as Ms. Alexandra hustles them into her car. The last words Claire hears is her mother’s screaming that Claire and Davy are both a waste of space and she is relieved to be rid of them.

Ms. Alexandra backs slowly down the driveway and then heads off towards her office back in town. She tries to reassure Claire that everything will work out, but Claire is crying too hard to take her words in.

Why is Claire crying? Isn’t she better off without her parents?

By P. Berman, K. Hecht, & A. Hosack

That Claire is nothing but trouble. I am so tired. My back is killing me; I wish I could just leave that bitch and her bastard at the hospital. That brat better not cry all the way home in the car.

Bill had been furious to get the call to pick Claire up. He had just gotten back from the farm and his body ached all over from working a 12- hour shift. He thought about just letting Claire wait a few hours but realized that would interfere with the party he was throwing at the house tonight for his farm buddies. On the way to the hospital, he bought the beer for the party. Once Claire and Davy were in the car, Bill laid down the rules he and Gail had come up with. Claire was always to keep her brat in her room. Claire was not to expect any help from anyone in caring for him; she gave birth to him, he was her problem. Claire would take on extra chores at home since they had decided she was not going back to school.  As Claire and Davy came into the house, everything was weirdly quiet; none of the other kids were around. This was a bad sign, they must be out in the woods hiding. Maybe she and Davy were about to get a beating.

Claire’s heart began to pound. Her mom came into the room. There was no sign of a strap. Her mom was just staring at her and pointing to her bedroom.  Her dad followed her into the room. Slammed the door and reminded Claire of the rules. He gave her the stare she had come to know and fear. But, he just left the room and slammed the door again as he left. Claire held Davy close on to her chest. He made those mouth movements that she thought meant he was hungry. She breast fed him, changed him, and he feel asleep in the basket on the floor that had held her toys when she was a child. He looked so peaceful there. She didn’t feel peaceful. She was trying to calm herself down but she was terrified about what would happen if Davy started to cry and disturbed her parents.

Claire was like a prisoner in her bedroom. She was hungry but afraid to leave the room to get anything to eat. This was the time, Davy would sleep for an hour or so but …what if he didn’t and started to cry when she wasn’t in the room. What would her parents do to him? She finally found the strength to creep out into the kitchen. As she was pouring dry cereal into a bowl, her mom stormed in. Gail took one look at Claire and saw Davy wasn’t with her. She picked up the kitchen trash can and began pointing at it; this is where that brat goes if he disturbs our party. Claire took the cereal and rushed back to her bedroom; she sat down on the bed and started to cry into her pillow. Would her mom really throw Davy away or was it just a threat to let Claire know she must not let Davy ruin the party?

 

Davy looked like an angel when he slept but…he wasn’t an angel; he cried all the time and his cry was getting louder as he grew bigger.  Claire understood what Nurse Karin had said about him crying just to help explain what he needed. But she had needs too and he couldn’t seem to get that.  Claire would feed and change him as fast as possible; she wanted Davy to feel loved and cared for. Davey would be happy for a while, but not for long. He couldn’t tolerate not getting what he wanted even for a second. If he was hungry, he would cry, even though sometimes she was too tired not to fall asleep. She would wake up as quick as she could and help him but, fast was often not fast enough.

When he woke up from his first nap at home, Claire lovingly explained that life had to be different now. Their house was not like the hospital where everyone seemed to accept crying as okay. At the house, there was never to be noise if her parents were in the house or bad things happened. She tried to explain things very carefully to him over and over so he could understand her. She told him she would never leave him; she stroked his face as she said this and he seemed to nestle close to her. This made Claire smile- maybe he understood, maybe he loved her. She went on to explain that he didn’t have to be scared she would always feed him he just needed to be more patient. She needed sleep sometimes, so she could take good care of him. He needed to realize that if she was asleep, it would take her a moment to wake up.

As the day went into night, Claire realized that nothing she had said made any difference. Davy continued to cry if she didn’t jump and do what he needed immediately. Why was he so selfish and inpatient? Once, she dropped she accidentally knocked his head on the table when she was trying to change him; he began shrieking at the top of his lungs. Her dad stormed in with his belt and screamed back that Claire had better get the brat under control or he would give her the whipping of her life. As he left, he told her she was the worst mother in creation – just as he had expected. Claire took Davy into bed with her and put all the covers on top of them to muffle Davy’s cries. She stroked his face like Nurse Karin had taught her. She felt so desperate. She knew how hard she was trying – it must be Davy’s fault.

He was just like Larry. Everything had to be his way.

Is Claire doing anything right?

Is Davy selfish?

 

 

 

By A. Hosack, P. Berman, & K. Hecht

I will not just get used to it. I became a nurse to help people. There must be something I can do.

Nurse Karin is still worrying about Claire even hours after she wheeled her downstairs. She usually helps the new mom and baby get into the car, but Claire’s dad hadn’t arrived yet and she got an emergency call to rush up for a delivery. The delivery took about two hours; of course, by the time she checked downstairs, Claire and Davy were gone. Nurse Karin wished she had met Claire’s dad. She still felt uneasy that no one in her family had contacted Claire in the hospital.

Nurse Karin graduated with her LPN last summer. This is her first position at a hospital, and she loves it. However, she isn’t loving it now. When she checks in at the nursing station, the head nurse warned her that she just couldn’t spend this much time with all her patients; she had to learn to pace herself and not get overly involved. New mothers were always in labor, giving birth, staying overnight, and going home. The older nurse told Karin that after she had worked at the hospital for two years, she would have grown accustomed to the many, “Claires” who come through the maternity ward, and learn to just check their vitals and move on. Just check vitals and move on? It had been the “extra time” talking to Claire and educating her about Davy that she had found so rewarding.  Maybe the head nurse was wrong? Karin had a lot of paperwork that had built up on her desk while she had been checking on other mothers, she realized she had two hours left on her shift yet already felt bone tired; maybe she had spent too much time with Claire and the other mothers.

After a good night sleep, Karin decided “growing accustomed,” and only checking the vitals of the young mothers in her unit was not an option. She called the Nurse-Family Partnership and asked if they could ever come to the hospital to help mothers before they were released?  She was told that they didn’t have the funds for this and in fact, always ended up turning mothers away every year because they had spent all their funds. It was strange, unlike the discouragement Karin felt when the head nurse had talked to her, this bad news just energized Karin. She was going to do something to help young mothers. She logged into her computer and sent a message to her state representative asking him to support the PREEMIE Reauthorization Act of 2018.

If you feel energized like Claire, consider supporting expanded funding and research for mothers with premature infants. Click this link: https://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/115/s3029

After clicking, you will have to do a few more clicks (like identifying your local representative through zip code) but you get what you need in less than two minutes. Here is an example letter sent to a representative:

 

If you want to support the NFP but don’t know what to say, you can copy the letter below and use it.

 

Dear Representative,

I am writing to ask you to vote for S. 3029, the PREEMIE Reauthorization Act of 2018. It costs a lot to keep an infant in intensive care (approximately $3,000 per day based on an article by Drs. Michael Kornhauser and Roy Schneiderman, 2010) so expanded research for premature infants and pregnancy support is critical. Please help reduce health costs for mothers and the public while supporting human life.

Thank you for your time.

 

 

 

By K. Hecht, A. Hosack, & P. Berman

Dad is coming but he is mad. What is he going to do to me if Davy cries in the car? How can I survive without Nurse Karin?

Claire felt confused and worried and she sat and waited to be taken home.  Nurse Karin noticed how Claire looked and was concerned; Davy was finally healthy enough to come home. Claire and her family should be so happy.  Nurse Karin asked Claire if something was wrong.  Claire didn’t tell Nurse Karin about her parents. It was a strict law in the house that family business stayed in the family. Claire did admit that she feared she didn’t know enough to be a good mom. Nurse reassured Claire that the Nurse-Family Partnership (NFP) was providing her with a personal nurse. This nurse would come visit her twice a week throughout Davy’s first year.

Claire really likes the idea of having someone like Nurse Karin helping her. What she can’t say out loud is that her parents might not want any stranger in their house. She had never been allowed to have Larry in the house; her parents have never met him. Claire wonders what Nurse Karin would do if she knew how her parents felt about Davy. She might help Claire but…. what if Nurse Karin is lying whenever she says she cares about Davy and helping her be a good mom.

After all, why would anyone care about her and Davy? What would Nurse Karin be getting out of it? How could this strange nurse from NFP care?

Nurse Karin asks Claire when she is being picked up. Claire can’t admit that she doesn’t know when her dad is coming so she says he could be coming at any moment. Nurse Karin helps Claire get ready to go and wheels her, holding Davy, down to the front door of the hospital. Claire isn’t smiling. She wants to live up to her promise to God and be a great mom, but she is afraid her parents might treat Davy meanly like they do her; she can’t let her dad’s belt hit her Davy. What if her dad arrives drunk to pick them up?

Will the hospital staff notice?

As she sits and waits, Claire reads and re-reads the brochure Nurse Karin gave her about NFP. She sees that it is designed for first-time moms like her who not have a job, might be struggling with their finances, or even kicked out of their home and homeless.  Claire is relieved the program is completely free because she has no money. She sees all the smiling moms and nurses in the brochure and begins to dream that this program with its amazing, caring staff, will like her and help her with Davy; they would have even helped her when she first got pregnant! Claire doesn’t want Davy to ever be afraid of her, like she is of her dad.  She doesn’t ever want to call Davy a waste of space – like her mother does her.

Do visiting nurses make a difference?

The Nurse-Family Partnership has been carefully tracked and tested, and the results show healthier children, happier moms, and thousands of dollars saved through preventing ER visits and hospital stays, in addition to lower crime rates for both mothers and their children involved in the partnership. Claire wondered what the other moms might be like who used this service.

Would you or someone you know benefit from NFP?

Do you want to know more about it?

Learn more about the Nurse-Family Partnership at https://www.nursefamilypartnership.org/about/